Leant

Yesterday marked the first day of my favorite month, October. There are a million reasons why October kicks ass: it finally feels like fall, in years past we would gain an hour of sleep (although that has somehow changed starting this year. The US can apparently change time. I’m sure if Bush had his way we would call 2007 a do-over and let him reign for another year…but I digress….) and the most important reason of all, October culminates with my favorite holiday – Halloween. Halloween kicks every other holiday’s ass for three very important reasons:

1. Unless you’re a weird Neo-Pagan or super paranoid Christian, it has no religious overtones,
2. You’re not expected to sacrifice free will for larger concepts like “love” or “family.” With the possible exception of Hallmark and ABC Family, no one expects you to learn the “true meaning” of anything except perhaps “hedonism.” In fact, self-restraint is pretty much dead until January.
3. Over-indulgence. Candy, nudity, candy, alcohol, Twix, Snickers, Sugar Daddies, and candy are all on the menu.

For a heathen like me, Halloween far outranks Easter, so I’ve decided to honor it the only way I know how – I give you “Leant^TM.” For the next thirty days I am giving up my absolute favorite things: Sweets. Given that pretty much everything sold in the US would be considered a “Sweet” elsewhere I decided to define Sweets as: candy, cookies, cakes (snack, cup, birthday/celebratory, cheese and any other kind of cake imaginable), brownies, pudding, ice cream (including frozen yogurt and gelato), sweetened coffee cream/mocha coffee, sweetened kids cereal (Fruity Pebbles, Cap’n Crunch, CTC, etc….Honey Nut Cheerios are O.K.), whipped cream, donuts (not that I ever eat them) and pies (be they fruit, chocolate or the ever delicious pumpkin). To bar any semantic disputes I have also created a list of either allowed or pre-approved foods: half & half with a little sugar or there’s no possible way I can choke down my much needed morning coffee, Nestle Quik/Chocolate syrup when used in milk and consumed after the gym, Yogurt (different from frozen yogurt) of any flavor, anything contained in an unsolicited care package from Darcy.

Originally, I had planned to make this a bet and put money on it but after a brief conversation with that ancient evil The Tijj, I realized there would be no way to expect a fair competition (apparently, he was going to pack the house with ice cream and Halloween candy). Given I couldn’t use money as an incentive, I decided to recruit some support and Kate stepped up by graciously deciding to give up her favorite indulgences: Irresistible Bad Foods, which she has defined as: fried foods, fries (although one could argue that would be covered in the “fried foods” category, I agree they deserve a place of their own), candy, ice cream, brownies, cookies, snack crackers, soda, and of course donuts. A very impressive list - but is it doable? We shall see.

If anyone's looking to join Leant^TM 2007, there's still time to get in on the fun.