Anthem Health Insurance

Dear Anthem Healthkeepers,

Fuck You.

Sincerely,

Meg

Victory for Twilight

“Twilight fans, start your protest campaign now. Summit Entertainment has announced that it will not move forward with director Catherine Hardwicke for the Twilight sequel New Moon….”

Oh Entertainment Weekly, how wrong you are. Although we Twilight fans are unified over by love(or like) for a nonsensical book series that doesn’t hold a candle to other major fantasy works (Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Song of Ice and Fire to name a few), we still have limits and that movie was far and away beyond what a lot of us could handle. I tried making excuses for it, but at the end of the day it was like a really good college film project. Translation: a deplorable movie.

I knew the movie would be aimed at a younger demographic but I didn’t realize they were aiming lower in more ways than one. Considering the books' following, you would think they would put a little more money and effort into the project. Watching the movie was an uncomfortable experience and not in a sexy angst-y way. It was just too over the top. Part of me wanted to blame Robert Pattinson (aka Edward Cullen) but it wasn’t his acting so much as every other decision that went into his scenes. The camera work was erratic. The make up looked cheesy. And yeah, some lines were pretty hammy but with some coaching/guidance from the director I’m sure it would have been fine. The casting had a few noticeable problems as well. I get that Catherine Hardwicke worked with Nikki Reed in Thirteen and yeah, she’s very pretty but my god why was she cast as Rosalie? Just because a blond wig worked on Orlando Bloom, doesn’t mean all brunettes are bombshells in blond, some just look shell shocked (hooray bad pun!).

With any luck, Summit Entertainment will take the time to find a more qualified director. Preferably one who has experience with action scenes, special effects and fantasy movies. Too bad we can't clone Peter Jackson.

Catherine Hardwicke is gone, this film franchise may be saved and I for one, refuse to protest.

US Airways Response

"Dear Ms. Hxxx

Thank you for contacting Customer Relations at US Airways. We appreciate hearing from our customers and having an opportunity to address their concerns.

Please accept my apology for the disappointment you feel towards US Airways. Your comments have been documented and reported to management.

We appreciate and value your business. We hope to welcome you on board a US Airways flight at some point in the future.

Cordially,
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
US Airways Customer Relations
Corporate Office"

Oh wow, an actual apology...for the “disappointment I feel.” Interesting wording. It manages to avoid admitting any fault whatsoever. In fact, it's more like I'm at fault because it seems that the only issue is that I "feel" disappointed. Ok, here’s what I want- I want a real response that 1. is honest 2. contains some shred of sincerity and 3. accepts responsibility. (I also want a toilet made out of solid gold and I realize none of these things are in the cards.)

Here is an acceptable US Airways response:

Dear Miss H,

Thank you for contacting Customer Relations at US Airways and alerting us of our many failures and consistent shortcomings. We appreciate hearing from our customers despite our lack of interest in how our business practices systematically screw them.

On behalf of US airways, please accept my sincere apology for causing you repeated distress. Your insightful comments have been heard and we will do everything in our power to correct the many issues. We promise to:

1. Have representatives that are proficient in the English language because after all this is US Airways and most of our customers therefore speak English.
2. We vow to have one representative resolve your issue so you won’t have to repeat your problem to 50 employees before being dismissed.
3. Our representatives will provide you with a name and direct call back number so you won't have to repeat the same song and dance if we (in all likelihood) fail to adequately fix the problem the first go around.
4. If your flight is delayed for any reason, we will alert you as soon as possible and we will be sure to have competent, articulate and courteous personnel staff the gate desk to help you make alternate arrangements.
5. If your flight has been canceled, we will have a LIVE PERSON call you to help you make alternate arrangements.
6. We will drug/alcohol test our pilots before entrusting them with the lives of our customers.
7. We will honor ticket insurance policies.
8. We will return missing luggage within 12 hours for domestic flights and 24 hours for international flights. Should your missing luggage force to incur additional expenses, you will be compensated because after all, we fucked up.
9. If we quote you at a price, we will sell you the ticket at that price.
10. We will not charge you $400 for a ticket and still charge you $1 for tea on your flight.

Although we have failed you many times in the past, we hope that our efforts to provide actual customer service will persuade you to reconsider your views and possibly fly with us again in the future. If not, can we at least still be friends?

Sincerely,

Gustav Whatshisname
US “Lead Balloon” Airways

Open Letter to US Airways

Dear US Airways,

I’ve flown with you several times in the past, mostly out of necessity but I’m writing to you today to inform you that I will do everything in my power to make sure I never fly your carrier again; no matter how you adjust your prices. In fact, would be willing to pay a 50% premium over your ticket prices simply to avoid being inconvenienced by your collective ineptitude. I will savor the opportunity to give your competitors my money in the hopes that your company will eventually fade away and the skies will become a friendlier place.

For your own edification, my complaints are thus:

• Any time there is ever an issue I need to resolve, your company finds it necessary to transfer me to 3-4 different people. If you can afford to pay that many people whose sole function is to transfer calls, do you really need to charge me $2 for an in-flight soft drink?

• Getting anything resolved through your call centers is worse than trying to order from a drive through. The reception is awful and the person on the other end has only a rudimentary grasp of the English language.
• The people staffing the desks at the gate are consistently rude, ill informed and completely useless. Was once stuck at the airport for 3 hours waiting for a flight that was delayed for whatever reasons. Not a single person offered any information regarding how this would be handled. So naturally, I missed my connecting flight and arrived home 5 hours later than originally planned and of course, you lost my luggage.
• I’m sure you’re getting a lot of complaints about how you charge for checked baggage but I really don’t care. Charge whatever you like because there is no way I’m crazy enough to check a bag with you. Your company loses luggage with a consistency that astounds me. In fact, it’s the only thing you do consistently. Congratulations, you get an A for failing.
• Here’s a fun one -- on my last flight out of town the pilot MISSED THE RUNWAY. At the last minute he had to pull up and try again. (By the way, I would recommend doing sobriety checks on your pilots prior to take off.) Thanks to your pilot’s bumbling I had to run to catch my next flight which was particularly fun given I recently had knee surgery.
• You can cancel my flight 2 hours before take off but if I need to change a reservation, it costs me $150 and an hour of my time.
• And my personal favorite -- after my trade show schedule was unexpectedly disrupted by freight issues, I had to change two tickets to later times. I swallowed the fact that I had to pay $150 to change the tickets (despite the fact that I purchased insurance on those tickets) and I was all set to book a later flight. I was also told the tickets were the same price so there would be no additional charges. I was then put on hold for about 10-15 minutes while the representative booked the alternate flight. When the representative returned I was told that the “system” had “updated” and now I was going to be charged an additional $77 per ticket. Wow priced JUST under what it would cost me to purchase a new ticket. Very clever.

No doubt you’re telling yourself “these inconveniences are industry standards but you know what, that is no excuse. It costs hundreds of dollars to fly with you, not to mention every passenger has to put their faith in you that you can keep your planes in the air. Considering how you mangle everything you do on the ground, I’m not willing to go that far.

Some Days You Gotta Rant

There’s a real problem in America: an inexcusable lack of focus. The US is slipping as a world power because its citizens are breeding ignorance and complacency. Intelligent voters, complain that there are no candidates worth supporting or worse that they “can’t change things.” In the meantime, the unwashed and ignorant masses are banding together to push backwards reactionary policies (note to disenchanted non-voters – change goes BOTH ways). Those who aren’t apathetic have become narrowly and obsessively focused on single issues: abortion, homosexuality, race, yuppies, and of course moral superiority.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/03/06/cuss.free.zone.ap/index.html

A cute little town in California is banning swearing for one week to remind its citizens to be courteous. I have nothing against spreading the love. I do however take issue with the fact that this policy was pushed by a 14 year-old boy. In my experience, independent thought begins when the apron strings have been cut. Kids can become passionate about anything and believe whatever their trusted elders tell them. My cousin convinced his much younger step siblings that he invented bread. For the next three years they would always refer to bread as Craig’s bread. Kids are impressionable (read: dumb). Shame on anyone who hides behind children when pushing their own agendas.

Where does the lack of focus enter in? Notice anything problematic about that happy little photograph of father and son bonding in matching T-shirts? Why yes, they are eating french fries. Instead of drawing attention to a REAL issue such as Americans literally dying because they’re eating fake food, this town decided to focus on the evil that is swearing. Oh thank God we have people wise enough to take away our SOCIALLY CONSTRUCTED words of ill intent. So the next time someone cuts me off, I won’t swear, I’ll be courteous and say something like, “I hope you burn to death in a three alarm fire.” Because that’s not swearing, clearly I’m being courteous. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills that swearing is ever an issue. If you take offense to something it should be the intent of the speaker and I’m sorry but unless they’re threatening to harm you/your family/your property or committing slander, freedom of speech wins that one….unless of course the uber-conservatives decide we’re safer when we’re free from the perils of free speech.

In the immortal words of Peter Griffin…you know what grinds my gears? You America. Fuck. You.

Abortion I’ll touch on for a brief moment because it makes me too angry if I dwell on it. The problem pro-lifers have with abortion is that it “kills babies.” Fine. If you want to look at it that way, whatever. My issues with pro-lifers is three fold: 1. Instead of vowing to never have an abortion, you want to make sure no one can ever have an abortion. What right does anyone have to tell a woman that she has no say over something growing inside of her? 2. The “moral” conservatives refuse to teach safe sex practices that would prevent unintentional pregnancies. That just doesn’t make sense. If thousands of unwanted pregnancies are aborted, why not do everything you can to reduce unwanted pregnancies. 3. Pro-life conservatives support the war in Iraq. How can you vehemently renounce abortion and claim an unborn baby has a “right to life” while supporting a war that denies that right to Muslims? Could it be that you assume Americans are or should all be Christian and by saving an American baby you’re saving a Christian? If that’s the way you want to play, I have a solution. If pro-lifers get their way and abortion is banned, I say all unwanted newborns should be raised Muslim. You know, just to keep things fair.