US Airways Response

"Dear Ms. Hxxx

Thank you for contacting Customer Relations at US Airways. We appreciate hearing from our customers and having an opportunity to address their concerns.

Please accept my apology for the disappointment you feel towards US Airways. Your comments have been documented and reported to management.

We appreciate and value your business. We hope to welcome you on board a US Airways flight at some point in the future.

Cordially,
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
US Airways Customer Relations
Corporate Office"

Oh wow, an actual apology...for the “disappointment I feel.” Interesting wording. It manages to avoid admitting any fault whatsoever. In fact, it's more like I'm at fault because it seems that the only issue is that I "feel" disappointed. Ok, here’s what I want- I want a real response that 1. is honest 2. contains some shred of sincerity and 3. accepts responsibility. (I also want a toilet made out of solid gold and I realize none of these things are in the cards.)

Here is an acceptable US Airways response:

Dear Miss H,

Thank you for contacting Customer Relations at US Airways and alerting us of our many failures and consistent shortcomings. We appreciate hearing from our customers despite our lack of interest in how our business practices systematically screw them.

On behalf of US airways, please accept my sincere apology for causing you repeated distress. Your insightful comments have been heard and we will do everything in our power to correct the many issues. We promise to:

1. Have representatives that are proficient in the English language because after all this is US Airways and most of our customers therefore speak English.
2. We vow to have one representative resolve your issue so you won’t have to repeat your problem to 50 employees before being dismissed.
3. Our representatives will provide you with a name and direct call back number so you won't have to repeat the same song and dance if we (in all likelihood) fail to adequately fix the problem the first go around.
4. If your flight is delayed for any reason, we will alert you as soon as possible and we will be sure to have competent, articulate and courteous personnel staff the gate desk to help you make alternate arrangements.
5. If your flight has been canceled, we will have a LIVE PERSON call you to help you make alternate arrangements.
6. We will drug/alcohol test our pilots before entrusting them with the lives of our customers.
7. We will honor ticket insurance policies.
8. We will return missing luggage within 12 hours for domestic flights and 24 hours for international flights. Should your missing luggage force to incur additional expenses, you will be compensated because after all, we fucked up.
9. If we quote you at a price, we will sell you the ticket at that price.
10. We will not charge you $400 for a ticket and still charge you $1 for tea on your flight.

Although we have failed you many times in the past, we hope that our efforts to provide actual customer service will persuade you to reconsider your views and possibly fly with us again in the future. If not, can we at least still be friends?

Sincerely,

Gustav Whatshisname
US “Lead Balloon” Airways